Rainy Days and Mondays
by peculiaris
Summary: The cold 'No' she answered when he asked her months ago if she's ever coming back wasn't comforting. It was like a punch in the gut. He was struck by lightning.


**I found this little note on my notebook that i felt suitable for philinda. also it's raining and i'm listening to disney instrumentals. also i was having lots of pheels so this happened.**

 **Agents of SHIELD is not mine. i'm just a low class citizen. so NOPE.**

 **Enjoy! xx**

* * *

It's Monday and he was in his quarters listening to the soulful sound of cello. After all this time, it still pleases his heart. The gorgeous woody, deep sound of the instrument combined with the soft tirade of the sky's teardrops was just so bittersweet.

His mind had been drifting to _her_.

Always her.

He had always been fond of the rain, mostly because it reminded him of her, how she could be gentle and soft but at the same time, she had the strength of a heavy pouring rain along with the thunder. She's like a cloudy sky, dark with soft edges that you couldn't help but notice. The cold wind that usually engulfed his body reminded him of her cold nature but it gives him comfort. Feeling the cold, meant she's just there near him.

Now, however, he couldn't feel the wind. She's been gone for quite some time and the last time they talked, he was so sure that she's away from him. Her voice sounded like the soft moist like rain, it was distant.

The cold 'No' she answered when he asked her months ago if she's ever coming back wasn't comforting. It was like a punch in the gut.

He was struck by lightning.

and he lost her again.

It has always been his fault. He loved her, always had, but he had been making choices as much as he was good at it, every time he made choices that involved her well-being, he always end up losing her. He thought that maybe she'll comeback, he should've known that he had hit her limits. He should've known, he was her best friend after all.

The first time he lost her was when he chose S.H.I.E.L.D. It was a written rule that fraternizing with another agent was prohibited in their agency but they were in their twenties.

Everything felt serious.

No one knew about their little love story, not even Fury who's like a father figure to both of them, if not, the annoying all-knowing uncle they never had.

* * *

 _They were in a mission in Paris, and undercover mission that he loved and Melinda hated. It was a successful mission and they had to leave immediately using a Quinjet. Melinda was in the pilot seat while Phil made sure that everything was intact._

 _Phil sat beside the safe where the files where placed. They finished the mission on time but his mind wasn't even on location. All this time, the only moment he focused on their mission was when they were doing the mission itself. He had to keep everything and everyone safe as Melinda retrieve the files that were needed._

 _That made him occupied, but as soon as they were done, his mind drifted again._

 _He had been thinking about this little things for a long time. He's the master of being by the book. He's the master of plans and following orders. He knew that what he was about to do will kill him but he'll do this because he just wanted to protect her._

 _Phil walked towards the cockpit and sat on the co-pilot seat._

 _Melinda sat there, focused on flying but Phil knew that she knew that he was there. She's Melinda after all. She just knew it._

 _"You know that you are important to me, right?" He started as he looked towards her._

 _She nodded._

 _"And.."_

 _"Say it Phil." Melinda muttered._

 _"We have to break up." He said. Melinda didn't say anything but he noticed that she clenched her fist onto the centre stick."I.. I'm just saying that, we have to. If Fury knew of what we have, god knows what he'll do. He may assign us to both ends of the earth. I don't wanna lose you, Melinda. I just can't." He rattled. He had rehearsed it in his head and saying this now, he knew how stupid it was. They're both agents and they're like safes but he also knew, that even the most durable safe could be infiltrated and he didn't want that to happen._

 _"I-" he started again._

 _"I understand." Melinda cut him off._

 _He was shocked would be an understatement. Even if he wasn't expecting a fight, it didn't mean he was also expecting an immediate answer._

 _"Melinda… I."_

 _"I told you, I understand. In this way we wouldn't compromise our mission. We cannot let our emotions lead us to our death. Without this attachment, we will be able to do our mission swiftly and people wouldn't be able to use this against us." Melinda said calmly._

 _"So… are we good?" Phil asked hesitantly after a minute._

 _"We are."_

 _He nodded just as they passed the Eiffel tower. Paris, the most romantic place on earth had been the witness of the breaking of two hearts._

 _and for the first time in Phil's life, he doubted his partner._

 _thunder roared and rain started pouring._

* * *

Partner.

That's how they'll always be.

or so he thought.

* * *

 _She was glowing when she came back from where she went with Andrew. She was sitting on his bed when he entered his quarters._

 _He was drenched in rain and all of his tiredness drifted because she was smiling broadly at him._

 _It has been years and he's still mesmerized with her beauty. He smiled at her and asked her what was she doing in his apartment. He gave her a key the moment he was able to transfer and he also has hers. They made a pact back in the academy that the moment they have their own space, the two of them will be able to freely walk inside their houses and may call it their own. It was a promise that both of them never forgotten, so keys were their exchange gift during a cold Christmas in Germany._

 _"what? I can no longer visit my partner?" was her coy reply._

 _Partner._

 _That made him smile broadly, his eyes twinkled with delight until he noticed the necklace she was wearing._

 _It has two rings._

 _"Are you going to tell me what those are? or I have to ask you?" Phil asked as he sat beside her whilst pointing the rings._

 _"I'm married." She said still with the broad smile on her face._

 _His whole world shattered._

 _He knew he should be happy but he couldn't. He was hoping that they would still be able to rekindle what they had but he was foolish to believed it._

 _Her smile vanished when the saw the grim look on Phil's face._

 _"Phil.." she whispered. She touched her and he flinched._

 _This wasn't what she was expecting but.._ _ **what was she even expecting?**_

 _"Talk to me Phil. What is the problem?"_

 _"I am." was his answer. He knew that it's pathetic. He knew that still hoping after all this time was stupid. Melinda was –is her only friend. She's his best friend. He did what he did before to protect her but seeing her this happy, seeing her married to someone other than him broke his heart._

 _It's pathetic._

" _Phil.."Melinda began but it seemed as though Phil already lose it. Phil knew it was wrong but he could no longer stop himself._

" _I am the problem because I am hurting even if I have no right to feel this way. If only I can do something to ease the pain that I am feeling right now, but I can't… because it was my fault, right? I was the one who wanted it. I was the one who ended it. I thought I was doing the right thing but I do not know anymore. I hope I have the courage to tell you that I am happy for you. For both of you. I hope I can… I hope.. I can but NO!" He exclaimed frustratingly._

" _I feel like I am the worst person in the world because until now I am hoping that you will tell me that I am, I am the person that you want. The one you still want. I know it's selfish but can it be me again, Melinda? Let it be me again." He said bowing his head. He couldn't look directly at her and see anger on her face because of what he just said._

 _This is so stupid._

" _Why are you doing this, Phil?" Melinda asked. They agreed years ago that no matter what happen they will be happy for each other. It was a promise that they were intended to keep. Melinda understand the pain, hell, she would feel the same way too if Phil found someone._

 _They both agreed to end whatever they had back in the day to make each other safe and to be always with each other and it worked. If getting married would be the reason why they would be drifting away then what is the point doing what they did._

" _I will apologize to you at length Melinda but I don't think I can now. This is a shock but I will not retract what I said, I can't say I am happy for both of you. Not right now anyways." He said._

 _Melinda nodded. She stood directly in front of Phil, he looked so small and she hated herself for being the reason why._

" _Thank you for your honesty. You know where I will be." The unsaid 'I will wait for you' was there before she left._

 _For the second time, he lost her._

* * *

They were able to gain back the friendship that they had and that was just it. He can even walked freely inside the Garners' humble abode. He thought, that will be the last time that he'll lose her but he was wrong.

Bahrain happened. He lost her all over again and he never knew how it all happened, not until recently.

And then he met the cellist.

Audrey.

She was in every inch opposite of Melinda. Maybe it was the reason why he attached himself to her. He did care for her but he always doubted himself that he could love again like how he loved—loves—Melinda. The first time he heard her played, he was immediately attracted to the sound. It was poignant.

It brought out different emotions to him that he thought he longed forgotten. It brought him hope. Hope that maybe things will be okay. He long accepted that he already lost his Melinda and was now replaced by someone he needed to relearn again. He still see hints of her old self once in a while. What had happened in that warehouse broke her and he's determine to be her friend.

Just friend. That's what they're supposed to be anyway.

The cellist. She was in her own way perfect. A part of him wanted to try with her. She has a beautiful soul just like the melodic sounds that she produce when she plays. She's like the soft strings of her cello, delicate but strong. Strings that meant to be learned and meant to be loved.

Then, he died.

He was resurrected and it was like he was back to square one. Living the secret life again. Not letting Audrey know that he was alive and meeting Melinda all over again. He asked her to join the team and drive the bus knowing the reason why he wanted her there was all because he wanted Melinda to be beside him.

They were partners after all.

So many things happened in span of two years and now, he was so sure that with May leaving S.H.I.E.L.D it will never be the same again.

He was so busy mulling with the memories that he didn't noticed the person walking towards him until a shadow casted on his line of sight.

He looked up and his eyes locked with soft brown orbs.

"You're back."

She nodded.

There was no questions asked. He just promised to himself that he would soon apologize to her, _at length._ He noticed that she was holding a blue tie and so he stood. She put the tie around his neck and he slowly felt the cold wind seeping in.

Comfort.

She's really back and this time he'll do everything not to lose her again.

* * *

 **I hope you like it!**


End file.
